I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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