Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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