Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
