you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
