if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
