No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Pooping to opera.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
