I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
