I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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