Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
