first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize