Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
