oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
