Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

(314): View more from Missouri

Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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(806): View more from Texas

and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."

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(727): View more from Florida

Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.

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