Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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