I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
