Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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