now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
