Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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