conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
