i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
