Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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