How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
