operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
