And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
