My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
