John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
