so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
