and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
