i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
