Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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