You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
