dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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