Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
