I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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