Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
