Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
