i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
