if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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