She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
