I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
