What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
