Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
