You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
