Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
