I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize