My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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