Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
