sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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