I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
