On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
