I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The uberlube is also flammable
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
