OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
