She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He shit in the fireplace
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
