you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
