All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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