Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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