Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
