If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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