My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
