Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
