You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
