Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
