there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think i have herpe
just one?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
