you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize