What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
