The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
