your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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