I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
