Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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