I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
