your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
