I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Never underestimate the power of titties
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
