john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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